Missions and Vulnerability

It is uncomfortable transitioning from an independent Canadian to a clueless foreigner. The life skills I learned in Canada do not translate to life skills in Indonesia. In Canada I was proud of my independence (I had my own car, shared an apartment, cooked my own food, etc).  But now I have to constantly ask for help and follow people rather than move independently.  I often don’t fully understand what people are saying so I can’t join conversations around me.  I have begun my life in Indonesia as a vulnerable child slowly gaining life skills.  This process is often frustrating because I want to understand the society I live in, but I am constantly faced with my lack of language abilities.  I labeled by blog “Lessons in Empowerment” because I thought I would be learning about other peoples’ empowerment.  In reality, this year in Indonesia might be more about my need for empowerment rather than me empowering others. 

In September at in-country orientation, I remember the global service learning coordinators say that SALT (Serving And Learning Together) is primarily about LEARNING and SERVICE comes second.  He suggested that the acronym should be LAST (Learning And Serving Together).  I agree; I feel like I’m learning more than I’m serving.  I am receiving more help than what I am giving.  I am constantly eating food that other people have prepared.  My host family helps me with many things like parking my motor scooter, doing my laundry, taking me places, etc.  I constantly need help at church to find the right page in the song book or Bible.  The women at P3W have to be patient with me and explain my job duties in a way that I will understand. 

Last year when I was thinking of doing SALT, I was excited about the assignment description “Women’s Empowerment Intern”.  I imagined participating in discussions, teaching, writing documents, and applying my sociological knowledge.  I told my supporters in Canada that I was going to Indonesia to learn about and participate in women’s empowerment.   The problem with my expectations is that I didn’t account for the fact that everything would be in the Indonesian language.  I am being challenged to develop patience as I often feel useless, lost, and dependent. 

However, I believe there is great value in the vulnerability I am experiencing as a privileged white Canadian dependent on people from a “developing country”.  I am reminded every day that people from the West do not have all the answers; I am not superior to the people I am serving.  I am in the midst of learning something from Indonesians that I can hopefully use to teach Canadians.  Christian missions in the past have often been one-sided.  It is the privileged culture teaching the materially and “spiritually” impoverished culture how to live and worship God.  But, my service with MCC is hopefully an example of how we are in need of learning from the societies that are often labeled as developing.  I have realized that I will learn more from Indonesians and Papuans than they will learn from me.

For example, I know how to cook and wash dishes in Canada, but those essential life skills operate differently here.  For starters, we often don’t wash dishes in the sink, but use the floor with a hose.  Then, when there is no dishes rack to dry them, there is a precise way to layer dishes in a big bowl so that they dry.  I baked cookies at home, but there was no measuring cup so I used a glass and guessed at the measurements.  I used ingredients I didn’t understand and baked the cookies in a portable oven placed over the gas stove.  I am constantly faced with my incompetence, but somehow, with a lot of help I get what I require. The cookies turned out great (somehow) and my host family was excited to be eating a desert from Canada.  In my next blog post I will write about my experience of Christmas in Papua.