Kakak Yana

I was gifted with a new name in Papua, Kakak Yana.  Kakak is the title you give to anyone older than you that is not married yet, so all of my younger friends and younger host siblings call me Kakak.  But here’s where it gets complicated, since I’m the oldest child in my home, my host parents, host aunts, and host uncles call me Kakak.  This is funny to me because in language school I learned that if you call someone Kakak that means they’re your older sibling.  So it’s like my host mom is calling me her older sister.  Secondly, many people call me Yana because Janna is not a common name.

In Indonesia, I quickly learned not to call people by their first name unless they are younger than me.    When I first arrived to Papua in October, my 2 year-old host brother called me Janna several times and my host parents always corrected him saying he must call me Kakak Yana.  It is disrespectful to call someone older than you only by their first name.  There are many ways I can refer to someone younger than me.  I can call them by their name, you (kamu) or younger sibling (adik).

When I first met my host mom I thought it would be most polite to call her the formal word for you (anda). So the first day I called her anda and she told me to call her Mama.  I felt really awkward about calling her Mama, because that’s a word only babies say.  I learned quickly that I cannot call older people “you” but have to refer to them by the appropriate title.  This means frequently talking in third person for example I can ask Mama, “Mama mau ke mana?” “Where is Mama going?” Then Mama might reply in third person saying “Mama mau ke kantor” “Mama is going to the office.”  When I talk to older people they often do not refer to themselves as I, me, mine, but say their title such as Mama. 

Once I asked my aunt what her name was and she gave me a confused look.  She replied that she was Agape’s (my 2 year-old host brother’s) aunt.  I already knew that, but I wanted to call her something more personal than just Aunt (tante).  I don’t know any of my host aunts/uncles names.  My one aunt is called Ibu Alen because Ibu means mother and Alen is her oldest child.  Likewise, her husband is called Bapak Alen because Bapak means father.

Before I left for Indonesia I had the general knowledge that Asian cultures respect elders, but I had little idea of what that meant.  Now I respect those that are older than me every day just by using the Indonesian language.  When I meet new people, I have to immediately figure out if they are older than me or if they’re married, because without this information, I have no idea how to talk to them.  Once I called a 15 year-old Kakak because I thought she was older and everyone laughed.  Once I called an unmarried man Bapak because I thought he was already married, but he wasn’t.  These titles are sometimes tricky for me because in Canada I don’t have to make quick judgements about person’s age/marital status, but can just refer to them as ‘you’. 

I like explaining to Papuans that in Canada, my younger sister, cousins and friends call me Janna, there is no word for Kakak.  Once I told my host mom and host sister that I call my Aunts and Uncles by their first name, my host sister laughed nervously while my host mom said, in Papua we respect those that are older.  I tried to explain that respecting elders looks differently in Canada, but then I pondered, what does it mean to respect elders? How does respecting elders affect relationships?  Do people that are older get away with being dominant and controlling?  Do younger people feel meek and compliant?  How does this affect honesty? I can’t answer any of these questions; I can only say what Papuan culture feels like to me as a Canadian. 

From my perspective, when I call people ‘you’ and I don’t use a title, I feel like we are on equal grounds.  But when I call people Bapak, Ibu, Mama or Kakak, I am aware that they have a higher status than me and I’m less likely to challenge them.  What I’ve noticed in Indonesia is that children don’t challenge/question older people as often as children in Canada.  During my host family meetings 95% of the time my host parents talk about their children’s misbehaviour and my host siblings never interrupt, make excuses or retaliate.  After an hour or more of talking, my host parents ask them if they want to say anything and usually my host siblings say very little.  This is very different than my family meetings in Canada, because if my siblings or I are accused of something we usually argue about it or negotiate a solution.  Respecting elders in this context means not challenging them verbally, but later my siblings might disobey with their behaviour and the family meeting happens all over again. In some ways I feel like this style of communication inhibits younger people from sharing their perspective and being honest. 

When I get back to Canada I want to analyze how we respect elders.  I also want to talk to older generations and ask what makes them feel respected by the younger generation and if they are receiving that respect.  For now, I have many observations from Indonesia and Canada which generate questions with very few answers. 

My extended host family and I eating lunch on the beach 

Floating around with my host family

My host parents (Mama and Bapak) and I after a 3 hour outdoor church service.  I recently got this dress sewn for me, the material was given to me by Mama for Christmas. It is traditional Papuan print.